The empiric deceiver: To trust is the beginning

July 4, 2015 at 9:22 pm (Uncategorized)

To trust is the beginning
Summer endings are frustrating. The more I wait for the beginning of the enchanting season of autumn, the more annoyed my sun loving friends get. How ironic: most of them sun lovers getting their skin prepared for the next summer beach days, tanning all winter. They even get depressed and cry when gorgeous dark clouds cover their beloved .. glowing bulb. Now, it all feels better to me when the moon reflects that light. Kind darkness embraces are sweet to me and make sense. Soon I will have to leave Luiza, not that I’ve told her what my plans are. Not sure what my plans are but I know I need a night job. Something keeps pulling me into her home. A delicious sense of familiarity and curiosity.
As Luiza keeps the workers in line, so that they don’t miss out any of her orders, I’m really just scanning the internet for a job that I could actually do probably from dusk till dawn. Thinking I should get more freelancing offers so that I can pay rent for a tiny apartment. I must live on my own. My health seems to be at odds. I should figure something out. Seems as if Luiza wouldn’t mind keeping me around for an indefinite time. There is something strange in her behavior, sometimes she feels like a stranger. I might be wrong, but when she touches me and looks deep into my eyes, I swear I’m feeling more than I can speak of. I hope my senses are confused. Glad the internet connection is pretty fine in this zone. There’s a bit of a wind that keeps moving all wires and antennas, but so nice to be able to stay online for hours without interruptions. I keep looking forward into my life, and also I need to smoke badly. Lighting up a cigarette. I must be focusing on the most suitable job offer which is a bit terrifying! But then I get puzzled with thoughts about my dreams. My mind seems to be in many places at one time. I can never tell anyone about them dreams of mine. They are just dreams right? Illusions of the subconscious? Sometimes I keep myself awake so I don’t fall into the abyss of dreaming. How can I understand their meaning if I have to make a living? But hey, I started reading about mysticism and occultism when kids were still playing hide and seek. I was seeking for other things.
Soon Luiza and I, we will have to return back into the capital, the city that burns: Bucharest. Oh and its flames can get so strong. It’s a nice ride though from where we are now, about two hours away from Bucharest. I want to take my will once and get a driving license. Money, money, money.. All is covered in money. Luiza is so rich and makes my days tender with all her gifts, never wanting much in return. She says our friendship is a gift, a very rare treasure that not many can have. Luiza often talks about trusting and how difficult it is to entrust someone with friendship. I mostly don’t trust anyone due to way too many awful ‘friendship’ experiences that taught me: Trust is difficult to find and when you do find, make sure to seal it.
The night has begun. The moon is glowing. What a fantastic sensation I cannot share with anyone. Luiza sleeps in a different side of the house and I don’t really know her sleeping hours. She calls me a selenophile, a nyctophile. I am also a ceraunophile.
Perhaps what I want is hidden in the night.


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